I have lived a charmed life. I was born into a loving home, where at least one parent always had a steady income, and I was given every chance to succeed. As an adult, I still find myself gliding through life on some perpetual magic rainbow where all my needs are met, as well as most of my wants.
I became a Christian very early on in my life. In this I was charmed too. My parents were strong Christians who never coddled me and forced me to think critically about what I believed. My church was heavily invested in teaching core doctrinal truths as well as exploring what other's believe. They had a heavy emphasis on prayer as well as missions. At age 11 I was praying and reading my Bible every night. It was like God put my faith on a silver platter and handed it to me.
The problem with this, of course, is that it's very hard not to get spoiled. Things given in love become things entitled to. Opportunities are passed up because, well, there'll always be another time. Ever so slowly the charmed life becomes an apathetic life, marked by a sense of restlessness and discontent.
Have you ever read "The Parable of the Talents"? (Matthew 25:14-30) At a very young age this parable alarmed me. What if I was that negligent servant? What had I ever done with all the good things I'd been given?
These questions haunted me for years. I could probably never let it go because I knew, no matter how much I rationalized, that I didn't "invest" anything I'd ever been "given" in life. I just consumed. Knowledge, talent, whatever it was... I consumed it, and I never gave back. Not out of fear (like in the parable), but out of apathy and a sense of entitlement.
In 2012 I suffered from physical pain seemingly every day. I spent a good portion of the year not even knowing what was causing the pain, which I found scary. It was fortunate (perhaps Providential) that my Pastor did a sermon on suffering. He talked about why God lets us suffer and what we're suppose to do with that suffering. During that year 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 became my mantra. (“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”)
There was another curious side affect to all the physical suffering I was going through. You see, by living the charmed life, I'd developed an almost phobic fear to any kind of pain and/or discomfort. If something was going to make me uncomfortable, I didn't want to do it. But with this physical pain I had, I was forced into being uncomfortable AND in pain every day (to the point where sleeping was becoming difficult). I was forced into the position of depending on God's grace for contentment, for happiness, instead of my "charmed life". To my surprise (though I should have known better), the Grace of God was much more satisfying than all that "charm" I'd been clinging to.
My life had, thus far, been marked by a sort of consumerist behavior. But once I experienced the Grace of God I could not quite be satisfied with that anymore. I wanted to find out some way to spread around this heavenly Grace, instead of just letting it sit inside me until it rotted.
And so I asked God to give me something to do. Around this time my church started up a women's ministry/group that partnered with local Christian organizations. I was introduced to Faith Refuge through this.
Now I won't lie, I was uncomfortable. I didn't know anyone in my church group, much less anyone at Faith Refuge. I didn't know what to talk about or how to relate to almost any body. I'd never felt so socially inept as I did during those first few volunteer opportunities.
At some point it was mentioned they needed drivers (people to drive the women at the Refuge to appointments and jobs). I thought this was something I could do, since I'm a decent driver and I have experience driving a variety of vehicles (as long as they're automatic, lol). I work part time so the only day I really had available was a Wednesday afternoon.
The Volunteer Coordinator had a meeting to get everyone together and figure out where people could serve. One of the first things out of her mouth was how they had almost all the driver positions filled. I distinctly remember the feeling of disappointment, since it seemed to me that I had just lost the chance to do the one thing I felt confident enough to volunteer for. And then she said, quite casually, that the only day they had left was for Wednesday afternoon! I immediately volunteered for that position, since I didn't want anyone else to take it before me.
Now here is something wonderful indeed: they had a need to fill, and God filled it through me. I had a heart to volunteer, but limited time, so God kept a need open for me to fill.
I am not quite sure how to adequately express how humbled I was by this experience. When you spend most of your life being self-centered, it's a little scary trying to do anything for anyone else initially. You wonder if you'll be any good at it, or if you'll just get in people's way. This was as if God had said to me, "Yes, you can do this, and I'll help you to do it well."
Every week I go serve at Faith Refuge, and every week I think to myself how extremely lucky I am to be there. I don't even know what I'm doing half the time, but I'm glad I have the chance to learn. I am meeting all kinds of amazing women, women who are 10x stronger than I am. I have the privilege, the honor, to serve these women... to be one in the chain of many to help them regain their dignity, their value.
This is what I had been running away from for so long. This is what I'd missing. Looking back, I don't understand why I'd tried so very hard to avoid this. I would never had wondered what kind of servant I was in that Parable if I'd just gotten to the business of investing myself in other's early on. Instead I'd insulated myself and chosen something that only seemed satisfying.
Are you like who I use to be? Are you consumer, but never a producer? Do you run away from the uncomfortable, the possibly painful? Have you wondered what kind of Servant you'd be in the Parable of the Talents?
I want to encourage you to find some way to invest yourself in the lives of others. Almost assuredly there is a Christian organization in your town or city that would love to have you participate. If you're uncomfortable in crowds, or socializing, have no fear... God will find a place for you. If you're willing to do His good work, He won't let you down.
Don't pass up the chance to imitate Christ, don't pass up the chance to serve!
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