Yesterday we took the car in to get it checked. It's been making this awful high pitched squeal in first gear. Mostly during very humid and cold days. Mike and I both figured it was a built, but what I couldn't figure out is why our belts went bad so fast. I had just replaced them late '08. Turns out the belt wasn't bad, it was just loose. It only cost us 10$ to tighten it.
Phew.
Apparently the Escudo (known as the Sidekick in the US) is a very well known and reliable 4WD vehicle. Ours is a '93. And it did pretty well until it had to sit outside in the cold Misawa winters with nothing to protect it. I think if we'd had a garage--or even a carport--it would have been in better condition. But alas, the military didn't deem out cars worthy of having things like a carport or garage.
The closest thing Suzuki has now to the Sidekick is the SX4 Crossover. Which is around the same price range as the Sidekick and has similar gas mileage and size. The direct decedent to the Sidekick is the Grand Vitara, though it seems a bit more upscale and possibly larger than the Sidekick with poorer gas mileage. It does look more like the Sidekick than the Crossover though. (But I happen to like Crossover's look a bit better.)
Mike mentioned getting a Sidekick back in the States, but I'm still keen on getting a Honda Fit. Sidekicks were built in the 1990s and while they are great cars, I'm tired of owning cars that are 10+ years old. It's nothing personal, but I just want a car that I don't have to repair because something fell out of the bottom of it or something important broke. I'd also really like a warranty for once... so even if something bad does happen we don't have to pay 100s or 1000s of dollars to fix it.
That's all I have to say about that. :P
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
A splash of Spiritual JibberJabber in that Pot o' Life
I've been thinking about my "salvation experience" lately. The reason being because, how can you talk to someone about Christ if you do not know him yourself? So it got me thinking about my story. Ah, which is always a bit depressing.
You see, most people have these strong recollections about their salvation experience. They remember going up to an altar, sitting in their bed, a conversation... something. I have nothing of the sort.
I have always had a horrible memory, and this extends to every aspect of my life. I have almost no memories of my life before 12 years old. What memories I do have are very vague, so vague that sometimes I'm not even sure if they happened or I imagined them. Because I was saved, or at least Baptized, at 8 years old I don't remember it. (Though I got some vague memory of my Baptism... though perhaps I only have that because I was nervous/excited about getting "dunked" under water. I can't say for sure.)
Well, this puts me in a bit of a bind. Lots of people like to share their conversion story to others as a way to show "Hey, this Jesus is real and I can prove it with my life!" But I can't do that because I have no "before and after". And of course there's the Pastors up their preaching about that "old man" who use to do all these awful sinful things and I'm thinking "I can't even remember my old man!"
That frustration often turns to doubt because no one else seems to understand where I'm coming from. Almost everyone gets saved in their teens or adult years. My husband, who got saved at 5 yrs old, says he remembers it! How could I have forgotten? Didn't I think it was important?
But I know I must have thought it was important. Because I *do* remember at around 10-12ish (see what I mean?) asking myself "Do I believe in Christ just because my parents do? Is this my faith or theirs?" I struggled with this question for days, because I didn't want to go on pretending to believe in something just to make my parents happy or to "fit in".
I finally concluded that I accepted Christ for myself, not to make my parents or someone else happy. I decided to follow Christ for His sake, not for anyone else's. And, at least I hope, that's what I've been doing ever since.
And I don't think I'm not saved. There are too many indicators in my life that say I've got God's Holy Spirit in me. The easiest ones to spot (and frankly the most boring ones) are a desire to go to church consistently, to read my Bible, to study theology and Biblical history, and pray no matter how awful or good I'm feeling. Could a person without the Holy Spirit be like that for years on end? I don't think so.
But this still leaves me without a "before and after" to tell people. How can I explain the wonderful life-changing sacrifice of Christ to someone without any "before" to give them? This is what I've been asking myself lately.
The closest answer I come up with, it doesn't seem to satisfy really. It seems so... so.. wishy-washy and lacking somehow. But I shall give it now, and we will see over time if it's worth anything:
"There is a God, and He has been with me my whole life. I have laughed and loved, and He shared in my joy. I have stumbled over my words and embarrassed myself, my family, my friends, but He was not embarrassed of me. I have cried so hard I couldn't move and feared so deeply I couldn't breath, yet He was there. He gave me the strength to go on, to move forward. And when I was over-whelmed by life, He was their to comfort me, to re-assure me that He is faithful and will never leave me to fend for myself.
If you are to say "What physical proof do you have that there is a God?" I couldn't tell you. I have never seen God, or touched Him, or heard an audible voice. But there's something inside me, something so strong that even when I am at my most doubtful, my most hard-hearted, I can't ignore it. Even when I want to just give up and pretend like I never knew Him, I can't. I can't deny it, I can't deny His presence. It's an impossibility for me.
And how did I get to know this God? This being who created this universe and all in it? I know Him because of Christ. He who lived, died, and rose again for all the wrong doings all of humanity has ever committed. I simply believed in what he did. By simply believing in the truth of Jesus' action, I went from an enemy of God to His adopted Daughter.
So that is how I know God. I'm His daughter."
See? My testimony is so... boring. It doesn't have the same punch that testimonies from former Abusers, Druggies, Alcoholics, Cutters, Thieves, etc. They can be all like "See the difference in me? I don't do [insert badness] now! This is the difference that Christ makes!" The only "difference" I can talk about is all the things I haven't done, and frankly that's not worth talking about.
I don't mean to sound ungrateful for what I have, by no means. I really love having God in my life. I wouldn't trade that for the most fantastic unbelievable but-it-really-happened conversion story. (Lemme tell ya, 17 years with God is better than any awe-inspiring conversion story.)
But still... I just don't know if my conversion story brings "anything to the table" so to speak. Would it cause people to stop and really consider the sacrifice of Christ? The forgiveness and new life He offers? Or would it be just some more weird/ignorant Religious person rambling added to the cacophony of other religious ramblers? I don't know, I don't know.
Not that I'm worried about it so much as a little frustrated.
That's all I've got to say. Take it or leave or throw a Fuzzy Bug at it. :P
You see, most people have these strong recollections about their salvation experience. They remember going up to an altar, sitting in their bed, a conversation... something. I have nothing of the sort.
I have always had a horrible memory, and this extends to every aspect of my life. I have almost no memories of my life before 12 years old. What memories I do have are very vague, so vague that sometimes I'm not even sure if they happened or I imagined them. Because I was saved, or at least Baptized, at 8 years old I don't remember it. (Though I got some vague memory of my Baptism... though perhaps I only have that because I was nervous/excited about getting "dunked" under water. I can't say for sure.)
Well, this puts me in a bit of a bind. Lots of people like to share their conversion story to others as a way to show "Hey, this Jesus is real and I can prove it with my life!" But I can't do that because I have no "before and after". And of course there's the Pastors up their preaching about that "old man" who use to do all these awful sinful things and I'm thinking "I can't even remember my old man!"
That frustration often turns to doubt because no one else seems to understand where I'm coming from. Almost everyone gets saved in their teens or adult years. My husband, who got saved at 5 yrs old, says he remembers it! How could I have forgotten? Didn't I think it was important?
But I know I must have thought it was important. Because I *do* remember at around 10-12ish (see what I mean?) asking myself "Do I believe in Christ just because my parents do? Is this my faith or theirs?" I struggled with this question for days, because I didn't want to go on pretending to believe in something just to make my parents happy or to "fit in".
I finally concluded that I accepted Christ for myself, not to make my parents or someone else happy. I decided to follow Christ for His sake, not for anyone else's. And, at least I hope, that's what I've been doing ever since.
And I don't think I'm not saved. There are too many indicators in my life that say I've got God's Holy Spirit in me. The easiest ones to spot (and frankly the most boring ones) are a desire to go to church consistently, to read my Bible, to study theology and Biblical history, and pray no matter how awful or good I'm feeling. Could a person without the Holy Spirit be like that for years on end? I don't think so.
But this still leaves me without a "before and after" to tell people. How can I explain the wonderful life-changing sacrifice of Christ to someone without any "before" to give them? This is what I've been asking myself lately.
The closest answer I come up with, it doesn't seem to satisfy really. It seems so... so.. wishy-washy and lacking somehow. But I shall give it now, and we will see over time if it's worth anything:
"There is a God, and He has been with me my whole life. I have laughed and loved, and He shared in my joy. I have stumbled over my words and embarrassed myself, my family, my friends, but He was not embarrassed of me. I have cried so hard I couldn't move and feared so deeply I couldn't breath, yet He was there. He gave me the strength to go on, to move forward. And when I was over-whelmed by life, He was their to comfort me, to re-assure me that He is faithful and will never leave me to fend for myself.
If you are to say "What physical proof do you have that there is a God?" I couldn't tell you. I have never seen God, or touched Him, or heard an audible voice. But there's something inside me, something so strong that even when I am at my most doubtful, my most hard-hearted, I can't ignore it. Even when I want to just give up and pretend like I never knew Him, I can't. I can't deny it, I can't deny His presence. It's an impossibility for me.
And how did I get to know this God? This being who created this universe and all in it? I know Him because of Christ. He who lived, died, and rose again for all the wrong doings all of humanity has ever committed. I simply believed in what he did. By simply believing in the truth of Jesus' action, I went from an enemy of God to His adopted Daughter.
So that is how I know God. I'm His daughter."
See? My testimony is so... boring. It doesn't have the same punch that testimonies from former Abusers, Druggies, Alcoholics, Cutters, Thieves, etc. They can be all like "See the difference in me? I don't do [insert badness] now! This is the difference that Christ makes!" The only "difference" I can talk about is all the things I haven't done, and frankly that's not worth talking about.
I don't mean to sound ungrateful for what I have, by no means. I really love having God in my life. I wouldn't trade that for the most fantastic unbelievable but-it-really-happened conversion story. (Lemme tell ya, 17 years with God is better than any awe-inspiring conversion story.)
But still... I just don't know if my conversion story brings "anything to the table" so to speak. Would it cause people to stop and really consider the sacrifice of Christ? The forgiveness and new life He offers? Or would it be just some more weird/ignorant Religious person rambling added to the cacophony of other religious ramblers? I don't know, I don't know.
Not that I'm worried about it so much as a little frustrated.
That's all I've got to say. Take it or leave or throw a Fuzzy Bug at it. :P
Saturday, April 25, 2009
A House to Live In
Since, as far as we know, we're moving to Wichita Falls I've gotten into looking at houses ahead of time. Sort of to scope out what's there. I've used Truila.com for internet "house shopping". It works pretty well.
To be honest, if we can get some decent housing through the military I'll take that over buying. But the military has this tendency to stick E5s with spouse but no children in tiny two bedroom homes. Sheppard AFB has the Freedom Estates, the smallest of which is still a 3 bedroom house. As long as I can get a 3 bedroom house of a decent size I'm ok with sticking with military housing.
But that's a Big If. I'll be surprised if there isn't already a huge waiting list for Freedom Estates. I can't imagine anyone choosing to live on base when they can live off base and get a bigger house. Though I might get lucky, since the on base housing since to be going through some major renovations. (I have to tell you, newer military housing is really not all that bad.
To be honest, if we can get some decent housing through the military I'll take that over buying. But the military has this tendency to stick E5s with spouse but no children in tiny two bedroom homes. Sheppard AFB has the Freedom Estates, the smallest of which is still a 3 bedroom house. As long as I can get a 3 bedroom house of a decent size I'm ok with sticking with military housing.
But that's a Big If. I'll be surprised if there isn't already a huge waiting list for Freedom Estates. I can't imagine anyone choosing to live on base when they can live off base and get a bigger house. Though I might get lucky, since the on base housing since to be going through some major renovations. (I have to tell you, newer military housing is really not all that bad.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Thinking about Art
I use to love to draw. As a kid, I would sit on the couch or on my bed, and draw for hours. I'd leave a trail of paper behind me. It wasn't always fun, but I always felt good about it. When it was hard, I felt challenged and motivated to get past that hurdle, whatever it was. Everything was "How can I draw that?" or "How can I make my drawings better?"
And then... I left home. Some where in those first two years, any artistic inclination left me. There's not one thing in particular that did, just a bunch of stuff. Moving from home and from a family I loved to a strange place, living with a man who was angry all the time and critical, not going to church on a regular basis, and a total lack of friends. I was alone, and some how that loneliness broke me.
I was only 19 then. So very young.
I'm 25 now and doing much better. So is my husband! But getting back into drawing has been very very difficult. But I'm trying. I don't want to remain artless forever. I want to recapture that love of drawing, even when it was hard, and become better.
Someday. Someday. I hope.
And then... I left home. Some where in those first two years, any artistic inclination left me. There's not one thing in particular that did, just a bunch of stuff. Moving from home and from a family I loved to a strange place, living with a man who was angry all the time and critical, not going to church on a regular basis, and a total lack of friends. I was alone, and some how that loneliness broke me.
I was only 19 then. So very young.
I'm 25 now and doing much better. So is my husband! But getting back into drawing has been very very difficult. But I'm trying. I don't want to remain artless forever. I want to recapture that love of drawing, even when it was hard, and become better.
Someday. Someday. I hope.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Quiche Parade
I made a QUICHE! That's right, me! I did! It's pretty good too!
It's called a "Spinach, Tomato, Feta Quiche". I actually bought two quiche pans for this. I couldn't find frozen pie crust so I used Pillsbury pie crust from the frig section. I also used regular tomatoes, squeezed to get the extra juices out, instead of cherry tomatoes.
I was very nervous since I've never made quiche before. Lots of recipes I try look straight forward until I'm in the middle of them. This one was very easy and came out great.
My next Quiche will be "Hash Brown Quiche". Made with Turkey Sausage instead of ham. If I can, I'll try to make it for breakfast. Yum Yum! :D
It's called a "Spinach, Tomato, Feta Quiche". I actually bought two quiche pans for this. I couldn't find frozen pie crust so I used Pillsbury pie crust from the frig section. I also used regular tomatoes, squeezed to get the extra juices out, instead of cherry tomatoes.
I was very nervous since I've never made quiche before. Lots of recipes I try look straight forward until I'm in the middle of them. This one was very easy and came out great.
My next Quiche will be "Hash Brown Quiche". Made with Turkey Sausage instead of ham. If I can, I'll try to make it for breakfast. Yum Yum! :D
A Study on Tithing
Last week our Pastor did a sermon on tithing. He actually did a really good job. I liked his preaching on it better than our previous Pastor.
I was not raised in a church that tithed, or even passed plates around. We had a little box in the back where you could give. The only thing I was taught was to give and give generously. (My parents lived this philosophy, not just in money but in word and deed.) So tithing is a very strange way of thinking to me.
So, to help people understand where I'm coming from. I'll link a few places.
The first place is Tektonic. He gives a historical take on tithing. Click Here.
The second place is Theologyweb. They're run by conservative Christians so you get a variety of opinions. They had a "guest speaker" write an article for them called "Tithing: Is it New Testament?" that I really like. The next link is from a thread on their forum which had quite a few interesting posts. It's called "The Backlash Against Tithing".
All in all, I think this is a well rounded representation of the view I hold on the subject. That's pretty much all I wanted to say. :)
I was not raised in a church that tithed, or even passed plates around. We had a little box in the back where you could give. The only thing I was taught was to give and give generously. (My parents lived this philosophy, not just in money but in word and deed.) So tithing is a very strange way of thinking to me.
So, to help people understand where I'm coming from. I'll link a few places.
The first place is Tektonic. He gives a historical take on tithing. Click Here.
The second place is Theologyweb. They're run by conservative Christians so you get a variety of opinions. They had a "guest speaker" write an article for them called "Tithing: Is it New Testament?" that I really like. The next link is from a thread on their forum which had quite a few interesting posts. It's called "The Backlash Against Tithing".
All in all, I think this is a well rounded representation of the view I hold on the subject. That's pretty much all I wanted to say. :)
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Computer Freezing: Solved?
Yeah so......
I dunno what exactly was going on with my computer but I think I got a pretty good idea. I think it was freezing due to static electricity. Yeah, I know... weird. Here's how I figured it out.
I have a wood shelf it sits on. It's on the bottom shelf, with the top shelf protecting it from cats. (Seriously, my cats would be hopin' all over it without the shelf there.) Originally I had the computer closer to the edge of the shelf, so that it was easier to press the on switch and so forth. I noticed that when I went near the computer with my hand, it would shut off. When the cats walked past it, it would shut off or do that weird freezing thing.
So I thought "Is the computer too close to the carpet?" And I moved it farther back. Maybe 5 inches back. And now... no problems. It doesn't freeze, or randomly shut off when I go to touch it.
Hnnnnnn.... I wish I'd figured this out prior to exchanging GPUs. I really do NOT feel like taking it apart again and putting the 9600GT back in. So for now I'm using my ATI 3850.
Sighs... I'm wondering how many people are having this problem due to static? It's weird problem to have and I wonder if it's mostly due to the design of my case. (Apevia XQpack2)
I dunno what exactly was going on with my computer but I think I got a pretty good idea. I think it was freezing due to static electricity. Yeah, I know... weird. Here's how I figured it out.
I have a wood shelf it sits on. It's on the bottom shelf, with the top shelf protecting it from cats. (Seriously, my cats would be hopin' all over it without the shelf there.) Originally I had the computer closer to the edge of the shelf, so that it was easier to press the on switch and so forth. I noticed that when I went near the computer with my hand, it would shut off. When the cats walked past it, it would shut off or do that weird freezing thing.
So I thought "Is the computer too close to the carpet?" And I moved it farther back. Maybe 5 inches back. And now... no problems. It doesn't freeze, or randomly shut off when I go to touch it.
Hnnnnnn.... I wish I'd figured this out prior to exchanging GPUs. I really do NOT feel like taking it apart again and putting the 9600GT back in. So for now I'm using my ATI 3850.
Sighs... I'm wondering how many people are having this problem due to static? It's weird problem to have and I wonder if it's mostly due to the design of my case. (Apevia XQpack2)
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Oh the pain of DIY computers...
I'm going to punch or stab something if my computer freezes on me again. Ever since I replaced the cpu cooler, PSU, and GPU it's been freezing on me. And by freezing I mean that though I can see my desktop, my mouse, etc... nothing responds. No amount of pressing buttons on the keyboard, no wiggling of the mouse, nothing. I have to turn it off via the power button, as that's the only thing to respond.
It's very frustrating. And annoying. But mostly it makes me want to hit something. Or stab it. Multiple times.
I'm hoping it's just the front panel being corrupt. See, there's this front panel that controls various... things. Case audio, reset button, hard drive light, etc.... At first I had everything plugged in, but over time I've had to unplug almost everything because it wouldn't work. The reset button in partical, nasty little thing, was causing my computer to randomly reboot on me. The last thing I had plugged in was the HD light. I noticed when the freeze happen the HD light is dark (implying that it's either not working or the HD has ceased all activity.)
Well, if having the reset button plugged in could cause the computer to reboot, maybe the HD light was doing something funky with the Hard drive? HOW that would be possibly, I can't even begin to imagine but at this point I'd be almost happy if that were the case.
It could be, though I hope not, the 9600GT OC nVidia card I got for free from Owin at OverclockersClub. I got it for free from him. It's an RMA card. (That is, he sent in his original because something was wrong with it and got this card from the company.) It could, possibly, be having problems.
And if it's not that... I guess it could be the PSU. Though I hope not. I happen to LIKE my new PSU. It's super quiet and really high quality!
Wah. I hope what I did fixed it. Proof will be in the pooding.
It's very frustrating. And annoying. But mostly it makes me want to hit something. Or stab it. Multiple times.
I'm hoping it's just the front panel being corrupt. See, there's this front panel that controls various... things. Case audio, reset button, hard drive light, etc.... At first I had everything plugged in, but over time I've had to unplug almost everything because it wouldn't work. The reset button in partical, nasty little thing, was causing my computer to randomly reboot on me. The last thing I had plugged in was the HD light. I noticed when the freeze happen the HD light is dark (implying that it's either not working or the HD has ceased all activity.)
Well, if having the reset button plugged in could cause the computer to reboot, maybe the HD light was doing something funky with the Hard drive? HOW that would be possibly, I can't even begin to imagine but at this point I'd be almost happy if that were the case.
It could be, though I hope not, the 9600GT OC nVidia card I got for free from Owin at OverclockersClub. I got it for free from him. It's an RMA card. (That is, he sent in his original because something was wrong with it and got this card from the company.) It could, possibly, be having problems.
And if it's not that... I guess it could be the PSU. Though I hope not. I happen to LIKE my new PSU. It's super quiet and really high quality!
Wah. I hope what I did fixed it. Proof will be in the pooding.
Friday, April 03, 2009
Lose your friends after getting a kid? Naw.
I was reading a friend's Parenting magazine a while ago. They had an interesting article about things that people swore they wouldn't do before they had kids but ending up doing them anyway. Most of it was interesting, some of it was funny, but one response just bugged me to no end.
There was this woman who vowed that having kids wouldn't change her friendships. But, of course, after her baby came her no-parent friends started drifting away from her. (Or her them?) Calling each other less and less, going out less and less.... they just didn't understand what being a parent was like.
This annoyed me because it seemed so... soo..... stupid. Almost all my friends have children under 6 years old. Many have toddlers and new babies on the way! This is no way prevents me, the no-child woman, from being friends with them.
See, this is what I've learned to do:
1) Be accommodating with my schedule.
2) Always plan on the kids coming along.
3) Help Mom with children when possible to speed things up. (Like getting in and out of cars.)
4) Treat children like people, not like annoying "tag along's".
5) And be willing to talk about things relating to children. (I find this quite profitable since I learn a lot from people with kids that I can pass on to others, or to myself should I find myself in a parental type situation.)
It also helps if you have meaningful friendships. You know, ones that have more to them then going to bars or clubs. Or to have friends with hobbies or interests that don't require you going far from home for long hours.
It might also be that New Moms tend to drop everything else in favor of focusing exclusively on their children. Some of that can't be helped since babies are a lot of work (especially the ornery ones). But there's also a major priority shift that happens when a kid comes along. There's a tendancy, especially with New Moms, to make the children the center of their lives. Everything else is secondary, people (including husbands), pets, and hobbies all. If it's not related to their kid in some form it's just not worth their time (or energy).
Actually, it kind of reminds me of falling in love. You know, that obsessive exclusive type of love? Perhaps it's similar?
Anyway, I think this obsessiveness over children starts to wan as the children get older. More independent from Mom. Suddenly the parent CAN'T have the kid as the center of their world, exclusive to everything else. (Not unless they want to seriously mess their children up!) They have to find something else or go crazy.
This is where they start to find themselves again. It's not that they revert to pre-parent days, but that they start realize that they can't be in Mommy-mode forever. Some day those kids won't be there, some day they'll leave. What will they do when that happens?
Ah... they'll need something to do that does NOT, in fact, involve children. A hobby, an ambition... something they can do seperately from being a Mom. And so they go back and try to remember what they use to like, what they use to want to do, and start pursuing those things again. Or, if they were particularly immature pre-kid days, they find a new hobby or ambition to pursue. (Not that they exclude their Mom-ness, but they start broadening their horizons... adding things to their life.)
(This is my observation anyway. I might be completely wrong as I've never experienced being a New Mom.)
So maybe this woman had friends who were doing things that children could not be incorporated into (drinking and clubs) and/or that the woman herselve was suffering from "New Mom" syndrome.
There. Got that out of my system. :P
There was this woman who vowed that having kids wouldn't change her friendships. But, of course, after her baby came her no-parent friends started drifting away from her. (Or her them?) Calling each other less and less, going out less and less.... they just didn't understand what being a parent was like.
This annoyed me because it seemed so... soo..... stupid. Almost all my friends have children under 6 years old. Many have toddlers and new babies on the way! This is no way prevents me, the no-child woman, from being friends with them.
See, this is what I've learned to do:
1) Be accommodating with my schedule.
2) Always plan on the kids coming along.
3) Help Mom with children when possible to speed things up. (Like getting in and out of cars.)
4) Treat children like people, not like annoying "tag along's".
5) And be willing to talk about things relating to children. (I find this quite profitable since I learn a lot from people with kids that I can pass on to others, or to myself should I find myself in a parental type situation.)
It also helps if you have meaningful friendships. You know, ones that have more to them then going to bars or clubs. Or to have friends with hobbies or interests that don't require you going far from home for long hours.
It might also be that New Moms tend to drop everything else in favor of focusing exclusively on their children. Some of that can't be helped since babies are a lot of work (especially the ornery ones). But there's also a major priority shift that happens when a kid comes along. There's a tendancy, especially with New Moms, to make the children the center of their lives. Everything else is secondary, people (including husbands), pets, and hobbies all. If it's not related to their kid in some form it's just not worth their time (or energy).
Actually, it kind of reminds me of falling in love. You know, that obsessive exclusive type of love? Perhaps it's similar?
Anyway, I think this obsessiveness over children starts to wan as the children get older. More independent from Mom. Suddenly the parent CAN'T have the kid as the center of their world, exclusive to everything else. (Not unless they want to seriously mess their children up!) They have to find something else or go crazy.
This is where they start to find themselves again. It's not that they revert to pre-parent days, but that they start realize that they can't be in Mommy-mode forever. Some day those kids won't be there, some day they'll leave. What will they do when that happens?
Ah... they'll need something to do that does NOT, in fact, involve children. A hobby, an ambition... something they can do seperately from being a Mom. And so they go back and try to remember what they use to like, what they use to want to do, and start pursuing those things again. Or, if they were particularly immature pre-kid days, they find a new hobby or ambition to pursue. (Not that they exclude their Mom-ness, but they start broadening their horizons... adding things to their life.)
(This is my observation anyway. I might be completely wrong as I've never experienced being a New Mom.)
So maybe this woman had friends who were doing things that children could not be incorporated into (drinking and clubs) and/or that the woman herselve was suffering from "New Mom" syndrome.
There. Got that out of my system. :P
Confession
I'm quite embarrassed, I can even feel my skin burning (which is the closest I get to a blush). Today I discovered that Liz had read my rants on this very blog. This very one!
Ah...
...ah....
...I didn't want her to see the ugly side of me. It's not that I have a problem with being opinionated and just disagreeing. That's ok. But my rants were... angry, bitter, resentful. There was no love in them, none at all.
I value her as a friend, the best one I've had in years. I was afraid if she knew what I was thinking and feeling she'd not like me anymore, she'd think I was lowly and not worth her time. I also didn't want to hurt her... I didn't want all that frustration and anger to get unleashed on her. It didn't seem fair to do that to her, someone I liked so much.
But she says she's still my friend. Even when I'm angry and disagreeable. That's so rare to find in someone. A person who's willing to like you despite yourself. In women it's particularly hard, since we seem so critical of each other.
I feel like a dork saying it, but it's like... it makes me want to be her friend forever. I want us to still be in contact with each other when we're 60. Reminiscing about the good ol' days and laughing about how idiotic we were back then.
..hehe.. I'm such a dork.
Ah...
...ah....
...I didn't want her to see the ugly side of me. It's not that I have a problem with being opinionated and just disagreeing. That's ok. But my rants were... angry, bitter, resentful. There was no love in them, none at all.
I value her as a friend, the best one I've had in years. I was afraid if she knew what I was thinking and feeling she'd not like me anymore, she'd think I was lowly and not worth her time. I also didn't want to hurt her... I didn't want all that frustration and anger to get unleashed on her. It didn't seem fair to do that to her, someone I liked so much.
But she says she's still my friend. Even when I'm angry and disagreeable. That's so rare to find in someone. A person who's willing to like you despite yourself. In women it's particularly hard, since we seem so critical of each other.
I feel like a dork saying it, but it's like... it makes me want to be her friend forever. I want us to still be in contact with each other when we're 60. Reminiscing about the good ol' days and laughing about how idiotic we were back then.
..hehe.. I'm such a dork.
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