Job Applcation: Political Humor

I thought this was funny when I read it so I'm passing it on to you...

JOB APPLICATION


NAME:
John Kerry

RESIDENCE:
7 mansions, including one in Washington DC, worth multi-millions. I served in Vietnam (four months).

EXPERIENCE:
Law Enforcement. In my career as a U.S. Senator, I've voted to cut every law
enforcement, CIA, and Defense bill. I ordered the city of Boston to remove a fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby endangering my neighbors in the event of fire. I served in Vietnam (four months).

MILITARY:
I served in Vietnam (four months). I used three minor injuries to get an early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam (as documented by the attending doctor). I served in Vietnam (four months). I then returned to the U.S., joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and insulted returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and were baby killers. I served in Vietnam (four months). I threw my medals, ribbons, or something away in protest.
Or did I? My book "Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New Soldier",
shows how I truly feel about the military. I served in Vietnam (four months).

COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike my counterpart
George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get admitted to
Harvard nor graduate with an M.B.A

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
After College and Vietnam, I ran for the U.S. Congress and have been there ever since. I have no real world experience except marrying very rich women and running their companies vicariously through them. I served in Vietnam (four
months).

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
As a U.S. Senator I set the record for the most liberal voting record, exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently failed to support our military and CIA by voting against their budgets, thus gutting our country's ability to defend itself. Although I voted for the Iraq War, now I am against it and refuse to admit that I voted for it. I voted for every liberal piece of legislation. I have no plan to help this country but I intend to raise taxes significantly if I am elected. I served in Vietnam (four months).

My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that he will never catch up. I make little or no charitable contributions and have never agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in Massachusetts, despite family wealth in excess of $ 700 million. I served in Vietnam (four months).

I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside of the U.S. in places like Asia, Mexico and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper cost of labor in those Countries, although I blame George Bush for sending all of the other jobs out of Country. I served in Vietnam (four months).

Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted Kennedy and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it might spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts. I served in Vietnam (four months).

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
None. However, I served in Vietnam (four months).

PERSONAL:
I practice my Catholic faith whenever cameras are present. I ride a Serotta Bike. I love to ski/snowboard. I call my Gulfstream V Jet the "Flying Squirrel". I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckley twin diesel yacht the "Scarmouche".

I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real culture.

I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket summer mansion,though I am against large, polluting, inefficient vehicles and blame George Bush for our energy problems. I served in Vietnam (four months).

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.

I vote!

So, I got my absentee ballot today (or maybe yesterday since we didn't check the mail then). I knew only who I was voting for President, but everything else I was like "eh?". I could have just marked everything for my party, but I thought it would be good if I checked out some of the other candidates.

I discovered this was harder to do than I would have thought. If they weren't Republican or Democrats, it was almost impossible to find them on the Internet. And even if they were a major party, I was out of luck if the office position wasn't a big "important" one.

I found one website that was for a Libertarian. I know nothing about Libertarians, so for me, it was more about what this candidate believed than what his party stood for. Well, the first thing that stood out to me was his horrible website layout. I mean, come'on! In this day an age even a 15 year old could do better than that. Secondly, he was very vague about what he actually supported or not. I came away going "Uh.. what?" Thirdly, he made a comment that he consistently voted Democrat.

Put this all together and the guy ended up leaving a bad taste in my mouth. I hate when people who are running for any government office do not properly explain themselves. What are their convictions? What direction do they want to go? What do they not like about the current system? What do they like about the current system?

Blah!

The people who ran on the Constitution were no better. Not because of something they said, but simply because I could not find them! How am I suppose to vote for someone I can't get any information on?

I ended up voting Republican on every single thing. This irritated me. I am not really a Republican. I vote for whoever looks like they'll do the job best. I got cornered because I didn't have enough information... (Dang those small government offices that don't seem important enough to be on the net properly!!)

This is naughty of me, but the only group I did no research on was the Democratic Party. I know I know... that's not being an informed voter.

Nothing against the candidates, but they're supporting a Party I can not go along with. (I disagree with the Democratic Party on economics, social issues, government spending, and taxes.) Even if the candidate was good, the fact that they were being backed by a party I disagree with would make them almost impossible for me to vote for.

I also got to vote on [South Dakota] Constitutional amendments and stuff. That was kind fun, though I did have to read some things more than twice before I thought I understood the amendments well enough to say yes or no.

So, yeah... I'm gonna put this in the mailbox.. or.. well.. I'm not sure exactly. The envolope won't fit in the mail, so I may have to use one of those blue drop-off boxes. But I'm gonna do it soon! I'm excited! This is my first chance to vote!

Yay for me!

Been a while, ain't it?

I haven't been updating lately. Sorry for that, I just haven't had a lot of interesting things to say.

Over two weeks, I've gotten a trojan, a virus, and a worm. You would not believe how incredibly aggrivating that is! The first two were my own fault, because I changed a security setting in Firefox that left it vulnerable. However, that last one was no one's fault (except losely my husband's). Now my husband can't access any of his email. >_<

Uck, it is soooo aggrivating! Can't Microsoft do something about that? I mean, their whole business is making OS's, you think at some point they'd get it right. ~_~;

Ona lighter note.. Molly, the dog I've been babysitting for three months, was taken to her owner yesterday. He (the owner) arrived 7 hours early, and totally caught me off guard (I was sleeping). The only bummer is he hasn't taken all of Molly's stuff back and he still owes me a new CD-RW (yeah, his dog broke my cd writer... amazing, isn't it?).

Mike has been sick since last Friday. Monday he was ordered home from work because he started throwing up. Ever since then, that's pretty much what he's been doing since then.

In the military, when you get sick, you have to go to a doctor and get a check up. This prevents people from "faking" sickness. The only problem is that "going to the doctor" requires you make an appointment early, especially if you need to go to the doctor that day.

Normally this isn't too hard. You simply call the Tricare "hotline" and ask for an appointment. Well, today Tricare was avoiding me! From 7:05am (when they open) to 10am, I could not get a hold of ANYONE. And by the time I *might* have gotten someone, it would have been too late. (You have to call early to get appointments the day you call. If you wait to call later in the day, they won't have any room for you until tomorrow.)

Needless to say I'm highly annoyed. I don't want Mike getting in trouble because *I* couldn't get a hold of someone at Tricare. I tried 5 times to get an appointment! Nothing. And since he was sick, there was nothing he could do anyway! It's not like he was able to clal. *sighs* One more reason why socialized medicare is a horrible idea.... ~_~;

Anywho! That's all for now! Gotta see if I can get a hold of Dan (Molly's owner) so he can pick up the rest of her stuff (and get me a new CD-RW!!!!!!).